"There is a grain. A grain inside of an hourglass, and where the hourglass is doesn't necessarily matter because the hourglass changes location too frequently to really live anywhere. The grain doesn't do much other than keep time. Even the distinction between grains isn't that noticeable since they're all the same, but that doesn't matter to any of them. What this grain loves to do is what it does every day. Keeping time, knowing how long it's been and how long it'll take, that's what it loves. It's what they all love. None of them ever dislike it because it's the only thing they've ever done. That's not bad at all when you think about it. I'd like to be happy every second of every day, but I know more than just time. I know how to walk, talk, eat, sleep, observe, describe. I know too much to be fully content. The fact that I know how to describe the grains already means that I can't do what they do best. Wait. I can't wait since I have so much else to do. The grains don't. They don't have anything else to do. They don't have to worry about what else they have to do since they're already doing it all. I need to become like a grain in an hourglass. I need to learn how to wait, and how to wait without worrying. Once I can do that, I can enjoy life a little bit more than I did before, and that sounds pretty nice."
Having Friends
January 18th, 2025
"Hey, it's been a while. I'm glad to finally be able to talk again. Life's been good. The maddening and the 'gladdening', if neither happened I don't know where I'd be now, y'know. They're essential to living truly. No one person can be strictly full of joy nor can they be indefinitely sad. There's only this weird yet beautiful bittersweetness that is so difficult to put into a comprehensible manner. All I can do is make shitty attempts to describe how it feels. It's an essential part of living, I don't think I could live without its presence, nor do I think you could either. Y'know when something hurts really bad? Yeah. That, despite being so fucking horrible, it's so nice to feel it, it's so beautiful. It reminds you that there is something better than that, a reminder that the only way, ever, is up. Even if you feel the worst you've EVER felt, it's so important to make yourself, well, you! It's so nice to see you. I forgot how much I like to spend time with you, or how much you inspire me. I'm so glad you've stayed with me for so long, despite me sometimes being mentally destroyed. You're so, just, beautiful, and I'm very glad to have you as my friend. Well, I have to go now, it was so nice to talk to you again! See you again soon."